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Thursday, May 26, 2022

Show Feelings. Don't Tell

Writing is my favourite subject. The ability to create worlds and to whisk readers away to another place. It's mind-blowing. Anyways, in class, we've been taught how to show feelings in writing, not tell. Instead of 'he was terrified' you can try 'his palms started to sweat and his heart thundered in his chest'. When you do this, you make an emotional connection with the reader making the story 10X better! Here's a story that I wrote, using the 'show not tell' ethic. I used another story, basing the plot off of that one. Toodles. 

  The Rip                                          


There were two brothers who were not at all alike; they were different in every way. The younger brother was always safe inside, reading, escaping this world, while the older brother was always on a new adventure. Snorkelling and diving, swimming and bombing, exploring caves, pretending to search for hidden treasures with his friends. On the rare days James would leave the house to sit on the sand, Jack would chide, “Come on you chicken. It’s only waves.” James would shake his head and retreat back into the safety and comfort of their house. Due to their differences, James and Jack fought endlessly. One day, their fighting and bickering helped repair their relationship.



One morning their mother got angry with them. “ Like a cat and a mouse! Out you go together,” she said, “and try to be nice to each other just for once. “Why did I have to spend time with you?” Jack grumbled. “I didn’t want to come. I would rather be inside.” James mumbled. “You’re such a baby!” Jack left him and went to the edge of the sea.  “Hey! Come here!” he yelled a little while later. Gingerly, James walked over to meet him. “Look how big the waves are! Let’s go out there.” James froze in place. “N-no, you mustn’t,” he said, imagining all the horrible things it could lead to… “Ah! You’re lame,” said Jack as he ran out into the water and dived under the waves.                               


James watched his brother swim further out, fear gripped his heart. He had reached the big waves now. Big, towering waves. They could easily shove him underneath, hurting him. Then, James saw it. A rip. A strong current, luring his brother out to the endless, merciless sea. Jack shouted and screamed, captured in the iron grip of the rip. James' palms started to sweat and his heart pounded in his chest, louder than drums. He had to follow him, had to try and save him. So, with a final glance back at the beach, James sprinted into the water, diving down, down under the waves.


Cold. So cold. The water was freezing! But James had to focus on the panicked screams of his brother. Even though his mind shouted desperately at him to turn around, and get back to shore where it was safe, he continued on. James came up to the surface, gasping for air. Then he dove back under. Nearly there. He was nearly to his brother. The terrified howls of Jack started to get clearer and clearer as James neared him. The anticipation of it made his arms move faster and his legs kick harder. He came up once more and saw him. Jack. Relief washed over them like the waves they were in. James swam to him and wrapped his arms around his older brother. He was fine. “Hey mate,” a voice called from behind the two brothers. “Did you need a lift?” They opened their eyes and saw a guy on a surfboard reaching out to them. They both frantically climbed on the board and away they went. 


“I’m sorry for trying to get you to come out to see the waves with me when you clearly didn’t want to,” Jack apologized. Jack and James were walking back up the beach and to their home. James looked over at his brother and nodded his head. “I forgive you. I’m sorry for always trying to get you to stay inside,” James replied. His brother turned to him and then embraced him in a hug. “I forgive you. Thank you for saving me.” James wrapped his arms around Jack and they both promised to compromise with each other. They walked away feeling lighter; a weight no longer on their shoulders.


“Why you boys are quiet for once,” their mother pointed out when James and Jack finally arrived home. They shared a smile and looked at each other. Smiles brighter than the rising sun and eyes twinkling like the stars, James replied, “The cat and the mouse forgave each other, mum.”


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